Staff Meeting Held in Silence after Talking Stick Misplaced

Farcical scenes transpired in the Everyday P-12 School staff meeting this evening when principal, Mr James Matthews, was unable to locate his beloved talking stick.

Mr Matthews insisted the meeting be held in silence until it was located. The talking stick, a yellow rubber chicken that squeaks when squeezed, is passed around the staff room during meetings. On Mr Matthew’s ruling, only the person in possession of the talking stick is permitted to speak. He introduced the practice several years ago after a staff meeting descended into a shouting match over the style of step-ladder to purchase for the installation of classroom and hallway displays. Accounts from witnesses at this staff meeting report it resembling a World Wrestling Federation ladder-match.

James won’t allow anyone to speak if they’re not holding a rubber chicken.

Ms Horan Assistant Principal

The talking stick is believed to have gone missing sometime between lunch and the beginning of the meeting.

Ms Horan, assistant principal, gave her opinion of the meeting (outside the staffroom as the talking stick was yet to be located). ‘It’s a joke. The meeting has been a total waste of time as James won’t allow anyone to speak if they’re not holding a rubber chicken.’ She continued, ‘we’ve spent an hour writing, drawing and pointing at what could’ve been said in five minutes.’

Frustration was viewed on the faces of all teachers, with the notable exception of the Drama faculty lead teacher, Ms Ava Hollywood. ‘Don’t get me started on Hollywood,’ said Ms Horan. ‘Her suggestion of playing charades to continue the meeting was absurd. Did you see her trying to act out the Mandatory Reporting Policy? She should have reported herself for some of those actions.’

Several theories have emerged about the disappearance of the stick. The most popular being that PE teacher, Mr Stu Richards, hid the talking stick in the hope the staff meeting would be cancelled. Richards is a huge cricket fan and was hoping to arrive home in time to watch the last session of the Australia versus India test match. When confronted with these allegations, Mr Richards tried to divert the blame. ‘I hid the chicken? Didn’t you see the stray dog running around the yard this arvo? I bet it grabbed it. By the way, you don’t know the cricket score, do you?’

I hid the chicken? Didn’t you see the stray dog running around the yard this arvo? I bet it grabbed it. By the way, you don’t know the cricket score do you?

Stu Richards Physical Education Teacher

1 comment

  • Glen Donaldson
    / Reply

    The sadest thing about this debacle for me was contained in the very first line of the article. Everyday P-12 School hold staff meetings at night?!

    Remind me never to send them my resume. I’m sure as hell never working at a school that holds staff meetings at night! What’s next? Plucking weeds from the school gardens on the weekends?

    Wouldn’t put it past them.

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