School with $4 Million Budget Continues to Purchase 1-Ply Toilet Paper

Everyday P-12 School Physical Education teacher, Mr Stu Richards, has lodged a formal complaint with the school’s leadership team and advisory council.

Mr Richards states in his complaint, ‘The school receives a budget of over $4 million from the government and the payment of student fees, yet the toilets are stocked with 1-ply toilet paper. That stuff … I’d have more success wiping with crepe paper from the Arts department.’

Any day someone’s finger will poke through the paper and they’ll get a one-way ticket to Mud Valley.

Stu Richards Physical Education Teacher

When asked to delve into more detail, Mr Richards claimed ‘It’s not only a health and safety issue, it’s a Human Rights issue. Any day someone’s finger will poke through the paper and they’ll get a one-way ticket to Mud Valley.’ 

Mr Richards has no doubt who is responsible for the ordering of the paper that he says, ‘Doesn’t even get the job done, it just moves the mess to another place.’ He points an accusing finger at Everyday P-12 School business manager, Mrs Dorothy Reid. ‘Old Dot in the office squirrels away the money like she’s back in the Great Depression. Next thing you know she’ll be organising pot lucks for lunch.’

Appendix G of Mr Richard’s complaint outlines items the school have purchased that he deems a lesser priority than 2-ply toilet paper. These items, and Mr Richard’s comments, include signage for all school buildings in French (let’s make sure all the students master English first), the entire non-fiction section of the library (ever heard of Google?) and fluorescent safety vests for teachers on yard duty (if a student can’t tell an adult from a kid they don’t deserve our help).

‘It’s not as if I’m asking for scented or embossed paper,’ added Mr Richards. ‘There are 3 and even 4-ply dunny paper rolls out there. I’m not after luxury, just the security and peace of mind that 2-ply provides.’

I’m not after luxury, just the security and peace of mind that 2-ply provides.

Stu Richards Physical Education Teacher

Principal, Mr James Matthews, has promised to look into the issue. However he remarked he has many matters in need of urgent attention, such as the continued disappearance of hand towels from the Home Economics department.

 

2 comments

  • Lauren
    / Reply

    I laughed until I cried! Hilarious!

  • Glen Donaldson
    / Reply

    A school I used to work at once sent two students back to my classroom after I’d sent them to the office to get a replacement row of staples for my stapler, with the message – “Tell him next time to bring his own”. True story.

    I’m pretty certain that school had 1-ply paper in their staff toilets as well.

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