Like all teachers, the staff at Everyday P-12 School are restricted in what they can write in school reports.
As all comments must be politically correct, staff write in code in hope parents will understand the underlying message. For example, a parent reading ‘your child is full of self-confidence’ should really read ‘your kid is arrogant and cannot accept they are wrong … ever’. However, the teachers have been shocked to discover the leadership team use the same strategy when writing their performance reviews.
I understand the messages you are trying to convey, Ruth, but they need to be delivered in a politically correct way to avoid lawsuits and staff tears
A teacher discovered the teacher reviews written by straight-shooting vice-principal, Ms Ruth Horan, and the corrections by principal Mr James Matthews. Mr Matthews has written, ‘I understand the messages you are trying to convey, Ruth, but they need to be delivered in a politically correct way to avoid lawsuits and staff tears’.
The corrections include:
Mr Stu Richards (PE teacher)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Is aware of the need to be punctual and attentive when teaching
Ms Horan’s original comment: If you turn up hungover again I will hurt you
Teacher performance review of Mr Sam Hargreaves (Graduate, Year 3 teacher)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Is open to new ideas
Ms Horan’s original comment: Needs to stop being led by Stu as Stu is an idiot
Ms Bianca Daniels (Year 5 teacher)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Has a strong sense of right and wrong
Ms Horan’s original comment: Stop dobbing on your colleagues … I don’t care if Jacqui Kenny drinks Pepsi Max from a coffee cup to avoid the soft drink ban
Mr Adrian Fisher (Year 6 teacher)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Is ready for a new experience
Ms Horan’s original comment: Just retire you old bastard
Ms Horan’s original comment: Just retire you old bastard
Ms Jacqui Kenny (Year 4 teacher)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Is very enthusiastic when working in a group
Ms Horan’s original comment: Stop telling everyone what to do … and get off the Pepsi Max
Ms Patricia McLeish (librarian)
Mr Matthews’ correction: Contributes regularly in staff meetings
Ms Horan’s original comment: You’ve got a lot to say for someone who teaches library
Upon being notified of the document, Mr Stu Richards proposed the teachers go on strike, effectively immediately. The other staff, while noticeably disappointed in the leadership team, voted down Stu’s proposal as it was widely suspected he only wanted to strike so he could sleep off his hangover.
‘Say hello to my little friend’ by the case load!
Long live Pepsi Max – the overworked, overstressed, underpaid teacher’s true savior!
Our school’s PE teacher stocks his personal fridge with the stuff the way a bank vault is stuffed with money.